Wednesday, July 18, 2012

How to avoid loneliness

1) Make new friends aggressively! 
Always be on the lookout for someone you'd like to see again. In a city like Los Angeles, if you don't reach out to someone you see once, you will probably never see them again. Don't be afraid to ask for their number or give them yours! After all, with all the ennui and decadence pervading Los Angeles, the person you want to befriend is probably as lonely as you are! There's nothing worse than getting someone stuck in your head and knowing that he'll be the one that got away. That guy you just met on the metro who lives in an art studio near where you live? Give him your number and trust that he'll use it wisely on account of his cool welsh accent and internship at a supposedly prestigious animation studio. The girl you just met at the gym? She has a cool voice. She's probably a cool person too. Be pleasantly surprised when these people actually seem excited to exchange digits. You are now on your path to overcoming shyness!

2) Go to the gym! 
When you exercise, your body produces endorphins. You know when else endorphins are produced? During excitement, pain, consumption of spicy food, love and orgasm. Yeah, it's a powerful thing. It also makes it very difficult to think about anything sad or depressing. Join a crossfit gym and work out in a group. Focus on making it to the next move without collapsing of exhaustion. Feel better as your mind becomes a calm blank. Be pleasantly surprised when someone finds you cute despite the fact that you're sweating like a pig and not wearing any makeup. Wonder if it's only because he saw you from afar. You are now on your path to accepting your body!

3) Do online dating! 
Receive messages from all sorts of guys, ranging from totally creepy 40-year-olds to playful exhibitionists to people who actually seem really cool. Convince yourself that you're not desperate and this online dating thing is just something fun to do over the summer in order to meet new people, visit new places, and possibly get a free meal if the guy really knows how to treat a lady.  Mask the encroaching loneliness you feel with multiple first dates. Search for some kind of connection to fill the void. Be disappointed when someone you exchange long, epic messages with turns out to be a total dud. Be pleasantly surprised when you actually want to see someone again. Realize that none of these relationships are going anywhere and feel lonely again. Avoid dealing with this feeling with more dates. You are now on your path to denial!

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Maira Gall