Sunday, June 24, 2012

Athletes must think I'm an idiot

Athletic people must think I'm an idiot. When I walk in the Intro to Crossfit class today, the guy teaching the class points at me and cries, "Hey! You already came to this class!"

"Am I not supposed to?" I ask. I am genuinely confused. I thought they taught something different at every Intro class. Isn't that the exciting thing about crossfit? That you never know what the workout will be because it'll be different every time?

"Well I don't know why you'd want to. You'll be listening to me say the same thing over again," says the teacher. I don't have a clever comeback for this, so I stand there and feel dumb. He's right though. I went to the Intro class at this nearby crossfit gym on Tuesday and again today. The guy teaching today's intro class introduces himself as Fish. Fish is more like a clown fish mixed with a judgmental shark. He makes a lot of clever comebacks at my dumb questions. At first I think my cluelessness is endearing but then I realize he actually thinks I'm stupid.

Strike one:

I jog to the gym, and when I arrive I am sweating excessively. As I'm waving my hands to cool myself down, Fish shoots me a weird look and asks, "Are you okay?"

"I'm just really out of shape," I say.

"From standing there?"

"No, I jogged here," I mumble.

Strike two:

We begin our warm-up for the work out. Fish tells us to leave through the front entrance, run around the side of the building and come in through the back door. Most everyone does that. I, of course, run around the whole building and come in through the front entrance. When I come back, everyone else is standing and waiting on me. 

Fish says, "You were supposed to come in through the back door. Did you run around the whole building?"

"Yeah, I'm bad at listening to directions," I reply in a sorry I'm not sorry tone of voice. It rubs Fish the wrong way because he gives me another one of his judgmental looks and says, "Yeah, I've noticed."

Excuse me? He's known me for less than two hours. I'm really not that dumb or socially awkward. Gyms just aren't my element. It's like if an athlete couldn't pronounce Nietzsche or said he didn't read if he didn't have to. I might think less of him but I'd only insult him behind his back.

Strike three:

"You need to come to Fundamentals classes, not Intro classes. You're really not going to get anything out of this class by coming to it again," says Fish.

"Um, is that, like, a bad thing?" I mumble, looking at the ground. I feel like a partially lobotomized valley girl. Fish doesn't even have a response to that. In fact, he walks away to talk to someone who can properly form sentences. 

I'm partially exaggerating, but I really did feel bad coming out of crossfit today.

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